:: My Blog's Name is Jennifer ::

:: Wednesday, October 15, 2003 ::

THINGS THAT CONSTANTLY VEX ME...Part ?

* Vans with ladders on the back
* Intense jealousy
* Bottled water that tastes like tap
* Screeching girls
* Arthritis
* Having a nervous stomachache
* Internal confusion
:: Mac 9:39 PM [+] ::
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Added a new link, to the webcomic "Boy Meets Boy," which is "Like the gay odd couple, only sexier." Damn straight. It's probably the best online comic out there, in fact, and it's really refreshing to see some hand-drawn art these days.

I spent most of my Fall Break reading about three years (I think) worth of old strips, in fact. A waste of time? Yeah, probably.
:: Mac 8:54 PM [+] ::
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I am really confused with how important the people in my life are to me.

I love my friends. The people here at school, who possibly make me feel more wanted, needed, and appreciated than any other group of people ever. As much as most of us strive to be unique, there is something so comforting about feeling a part of things, being one of the group. And there're you guys, my friends from the past, and still, I like to think, whom I have know for as long as since kindergarten (Melissa) and have so many memories, good and bad.

I have all these big feelings for people, yet most of you I haven't seen in over a year. There're other people I haven't seen or even spoken with in longer than that, John most notably, who I still consider good friends.

And as much as I care for you all, I wouldn't be overly sad about never seeing most of you ever again. There are a couple exceptions, you know who you are (I hope), but overall I am content with this connection of journals and blogs. Perhaps I shouldn't be. Perhaps they create an artificial feeling of continued closeness. I don't know.

I can let people into my life incredibly quickly, and consider them one of my best friends. And I can let them go just as easily.

Is this good or bad? I don't know again. I know for certain that, with the current arrangement, no one really knows me. I'm here, but I'm not, really. At the moment, I'm the joker, as I was somewhat in high school, always joking around. I want to stop, be serious sometimes, but I can't, a snide remark always falls from me instead. I can't stop it. Sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever take me seriously, the way I am.

I carry around this emptiness in me often, and the laughs I get fill it for a moment. And the people I know like this persona I have, they laugh at what I say. I can't say the things I need to say. There're things to me I've never spoken aloud, because I don't know if I'll be able to stop crying if I say them. And if I'm crying, I can't be joking, and the people won't be laughing.

I came the closest to talking with John. He said I could tell him anything, if I needed to. Now he's in the Air Force, married to a girl not good enough for him, and I haven't seen or spoken with him in over two years.

Well, this became not only rather stream of conscious, but depressing too. I don't understand. I was happy today, I thought.
:: Mac 7:50 PM [+] ::
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I went to my second frat party last night, since I was invited by Brandon. No, not as a date; I don't want to be implying things I don't mean to imply. But I went, and for the first half hour or so we watched the end of the Cubs game. Then they put on music and lots of girls started grinding and trying to dance all funky-like, except most of them had been drinking and none of them had any rhythm. I joined in with the mashed potato and cabbage patch at one point, but no one liked my moves. Then Emily and I started a two-person wave, but it didn't go so well.

We stayed for 45 minutes so we could say we stayed for "like an hour." Like an hour indeed...except NOT! Hahaha!

Then we went to eat some McDonalds, looked into a very deep hole in the ground, and watched "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead," possibly the greatest Christina Applegate film to date.

Full night. I am tired. Must start writing this paper, MUST.
:: Mac 10:27 AM [+] ::
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Archaeologists are geeks. And that's why I love them so. We're all very much alike in that manner, that is to say, we're very weird at times.

Yesterday in our Surveying class, while setting up our theodolites we somehow got into a discussion of whether Emperor Hadrian ever did the bottoming with Antinous. I mentioned that it would be great if we could find Hadrian's journal so we didn't have to wonder. My pal Brandon goes:

"Oh yeah. Like, 'Dear Diary, Today I got it up the ass from Antinous. It was good. I think I'll make him a god.'"

Then there was silence as we all turned and found the teacher (not an arch guy) giving us the weirdest look.

Today at dinner I was sitting and talking to Emily. we ending up watching another table full of Arch majors playing with bananas - no, not that way, filthy people. Chris held it up to his ear like a phone, then used it as a hook. Arvey made his a gun and shot us. But what made me burst out laughing loudly like an idiot was this other guy, Philip, whom I don't really know, taking two bananas, holding them up to his head, and saying in a bad British accent, "Hello, I'm Prince Charles."

I realize that none of this translates well to Jennifer.
:: Mac 5:04 PM [+] ::
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Mostly because I was bored and looking to avoid studying for my quiz, I went and looked at an adoption website Omar linked to on his xanga.

I looked at two states worth of kids and I want to take home every one. It hurts. It hurts to look at these kids who need someone to love them, and know you can do nothing to help. Almost all of them said basically the same thing - they just want a family that would love them, take care of them, keep them safe. That makes me want to cry! Why the hell are people spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to give birth to a dozen one-pound babies at a time when these kids need someone right now?

I look at these kids, and I see myself. I was so close to being one, it's scary. I can see myself in one of those profiles - "Mackenzie is a bright, well-mannered girl who likes school. She wants permanent family who will love and take care of her. She would like to keep in contact with her birth sibling."

Someday, I'm going to adopt.
:: Mac 7:58 PM [+] ::
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Oh, and if anyone cared - I did fine on my midterm. My friends, good enough, not quite so fine. From now on I study alone, though.

Another midterm on Friday. Latin. Very terrifying. I'm not a so good the Latin. Puella est magna mala.

Jeez, I don't even know if THAT'S correct. I doubt it. Jeez. I have to study, HAVE to, but of course I have a quiz tomorrow too. Same prof. THOMAS!!
:: Mac 11:29 AM [+] ::
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I think I was almost asked to a frat party yesterday, but alas, I blew it. See, with this particular frat, they ask you a very important question to see if you're worthy of entering their house. If you answer wrong, you don't get the invite.

"Do you drink?" they asked.

"Uh, no," I answered.

Stupid me.
:: Mac 11:26 AM [+] ::
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As of tonight I will no longer have a roommate. Mine will be moving in with one of her hometown friends. I don't exactly feel sad, though not elated either. She's very nice and all, no trouble whatsoever, but we're just very different people with nothing in common. She's a very normal person, and while I realized long ago that I am not an average girl (and I don't mean "not average" as "above average", merely not usual), sometimes it makes me feel a little off. Now I will be able to put my Hobbits cardboard cut-out in the place I want it, prominant in the room, and can put up the awesome Legolas/Legoland poster Tracey made me and not feel creepy.

I'm hoping beyond hope that consolidation will not occur, so I can have my own room without the cost of being a single. Maybe there just won't be anyone who needs a roommate in the dorm or wants to move to this one. Please. Please please please. I'm tired of MTV being on so much, dammit. My TV misses the History Channel. No more sharing, none.

Yet, I will miss the refrigerator immensely.


:: Mac 11:23 AM [+] ::
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